


put you off

by zannen



Category: EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Canon Universe, Embarrassment, M/M, Puppy Love, Songwriting, Surprise Pairing, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 05:38:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9307763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zannen/pseuds/zannen
Summary: If Jungkook does have a crush on Kyungsoo, it's a really tiny one, barely worth mentioning.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is... I'm not really sure. Definitely something?
> 
> I guess when I read all that stuff about Jungkook saying D.O. was his favorite EXO member and would be his ideal type if he were a woman, my brain just decided to... do this lmao. Which is just 60% me projecting my thoughts and feelings about Kyungsoo onto Jungkook, oops. ~~except i'm not quite as fond of the ocean~~
> 
> So yeah, title's from "Sink or Float" by Aberdeen, etc. I'm sorry in advance. For everything about this.

“Yo, Kookie, we’re gonna head—the fuck are you doing?”

Jungkook tears his gaze away from the blank space on the opposite wall to look at Yoongi, who’s raising his eyebrows and looking generally unimpressed. “What? Nothing,” he says defensively. “I’m listening to music.”

“You’re just lying there in bed and crying,” says Yoongi. “You look depressed as shit.”

“I’m not crying!”

“And you’re playing—” Yoongi squints at the speakers on the desk, which may or may not be Namjoon’s. “Some sad-ass R&B. Who even is this?”

“No one.”

“Wait, it sounds familiar.”

“No it doesn’t.”

Yoongi’s face suddenly lights up in comprehension, eyes turning to gleeful slits and mouth widening into one of his evil little grins. He barks out a laugh. Jungkook hates him a little.

“Shut up, hyung,” Jungkook says immediately.

“I didn’t say anything,” says Yoongi. Then, “D.O. Wow.”

Jungkook feels his cheeks growing warm. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, looks back at the blank and non-judgmental wall instead of Yoongi’s terrible face. “It’s a good song.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s great. Your boyfriend’s got a nice voice.” Jungkook presses his lips together and glares. Yoongi cackles. “Anyway, you gonna sit here jerking off to mopey EXO ballads or do you wanna get samgyeopsal with the rest of us?”

The glare immediately drops. Jungkook glances at his pajama-clad legs. “Can I change first?”

“Sure, whatever.” Yoongi turns and starts to leave the room, then pauses in the doorway to look over his shoulder with that stupid cat-got-the-canary look on his face. “Hey, remember to wash your hands when you’re done, alright?”

“Go trip on another doorframe,” Jungkook calls to the retreating figure.

Alone again, Jungkook just turns to stare a little helplessly at the speakers, still playing that same tragic song that he’s had on repeat for… maybe half an hour. Or longer. He sighs, rolling out of bed to look for a clean pair of jeans. He sings along under his breath, quietly enough that he doesn’t think Yoongi will hear him from wherever he’s lurking outside: “ _Ireohge, so bad…_ ”

So bad indeed.

 

\--

 

The worst part about having a crush that everyone knows about is that _literally everyone_ knows about it. And that includes all his bandmates, who are dicks about it because that’s just how guys are when it comes to each other’s feelings.

It’s not an especially big crush. Jungkook doesn’t think it is, at least. He doesn’t spend all of his time pining, and he’s not… writing love letters or anything. But he just gets in a mood sometimes. Gets kind of—how did Namjoon describe it? _Wistful_. Really ridiculously wistful, all misty-eyed gazes into the distance and soft heart-fluttery feelings, let’s-get-married-and-adopt-five-dogs-and-ten-cats-together feelings. And yes, sure, maybe he tends to listen to certain songs when he’s in one of these moods. And maybe all of them are sad. But is it really his fault if every song that prominently features Do Kyungsoo’s vocals happens to be a depressing ballad?

It always gets a little worse after festivals and award shows, too. Then there’s a brief period of shoving his face into pillows and feeling confused and distraught over tailored suits and good vocals and intense brooding stares into cameras. He gets flustered and shy, spends too much time and energy on regretting his inability to be a normal person. He sulks. He yearns. He… okay, maybe he does compose love letters, but only in his head. They tend to go something like

 

_Dear Kyungsoo-sunbaenim,_

_You’re really cute and handsome and have possibly the prettiest voice I’ve ever heard in my life. Every once in a while I have this dream where we’re married and live in a little seaside cottage together with a bunch of tiny dogs and cats, and you own a bakery and bring home a ton of bread and cake every day (which is perfect because I really love bread), and we sing duets to Jason Mraz songs while the sun sets. Sometimes there are horses. Anyway, it’s really nice and makes me wish our companies and fans didn’t hate each other._

_Please love me,_

_Jeon Jungkook_

_P.S. You look really good with your hair pushed back. Better than usual, I mean. You always look good. Marry me?_

 

But really, it’s just a small, almost nonexistent crush, and his friends have no reason to give him as hard of a time about it as they do. Especially Yoongi and Taehyung and Seokjin, who are all traitors for daring to befriend the enemy.

 

\--

 

Despite all of Jungkook’s delusions to the contrary, Kyungsoo almost definitely knows about his crush. And Jungkook knows he knows. And it’s terrible.

They’d met briefly before, quick introductions with “hello”s and “nice to meet you”s and a contest to see who could get the last bow in, which Jungkook won through sheer perseverance. But at MAMA, they had their first real conversation—which, as far as Jungkook remembers, went something like this:

 

Kyungsoo: Congratulations!

Jungkook: Thank you, sunbaenim!

Kyungsoo: How does it feel?

Jungkook: (blank stare)

Kyungsoo: Jungkook?

Jungkook: (silent, wide-eyed panic)

Kyungsoo: Uh—

Jungkook: What? Sorry. My brain stopped working.

Kyungsoo: (polite laughter) It’s fine, you’ve had a—

Jungkook: I just get really nervous around cute people. Wait, no, I didn’t mean that. I mean I do think you’re cute. Unless you don’t like being called cute. But I didn’t mean to say it. Right now. To your face.

Kyungsoo: Ah, well, I don’t really mind being called cute, so you’re fine.

Jungkook: Good! That’s good. Because you really are. And you looked really cool onstage just now.

Kyungsoo: Thanks, I—are you okay?

Jungkook: (breathing heavily) Sorry, I just—we won our second daesang, and now Do Kyungsoo is talking to me? I think I died. Am I dead? This is so crazy. You’re even more good-looking up close.

Kyungsoo: (visibly confused) Thank you?

Jungkook: I mean, I’ve been saying for forever now that you’re probably my ideal type, you know? I mean. In guy form. Not that there’s anything wrong with you being a man!

Kyungsoo: Um.

Jungkook: Yeah, so uh, I’m just gonna. Bye. (bows quickly and runs away)

 

The next day, after all the celebrating was over with and Jungkook found himself recovering from his second-ever hangover, Seokjin set a bowl of haejangguk and bottle of painkillers in front of him and asked, “Did you really ramble at Kyungsoo for an entire minute about how much you like his face?”

Jungkook paled and croaked out an uncertain “No?”

But he had. To this day, he doesn’t remember exactly how long he went on about Kyungsoo’s cuteness, or in how much detail he expressed his approval over the older man’s looks. He doesn’t think he wants to know. The minimal amount he does remember is already harrowing enough.

The next few times he found himself within Kyungsoo’s general vicinity, he refused to make eye contact. Or stand anywhere near him. Or even move, just in case cute guys are like dinosaurs and use motion-based sight to find their prey.

Seokjin tried to goad him into saying hi, but Jungkook had already died of embarrassment once and didn’t plan on doing it again. Not if he could avoid it, at least.

 

\--

 

“Hyung, what is this?” he demands, shoving his phone under Seokjin’s nose.

“What?” Seokjin blinks confusedly, then looks harder at the screen before bursting into a fit of giggles. “Ha! Good, I wasn’t sure if he’d do it.”

“Is this real? Or is it some kind of prank?”

Seokjin has a patient, fond kind of smile that’s tinged with deviousness and malevolence—at least in Jungkook’s eyes. “It’s real, Jungkookie.”

“Why?” Jungkook holds the phone under his nose and gapes at the screen. The words _Hi, this is Do Kyungsoo_ stare back at him. “How did he get my ID?”

“I gave it to him.”

Jungkook tries to convey with just a look the depth of Seokjin’s betrayal. “Hyung. Why.”

“You should talk to him,” says Seokjin. “Maybe if you get to know him better, he’ll start to seem more like a person and not just a pretty face.”

“I’ll just embarrass myself,” says Jungkook, because he’s decently self-aware and knows what he’s like as a person. “He’s gonna think I’m an idiot. Wait, he already thinks I’m an idiot. Oh god.”

“Just try talking to him. See if it’ll help you get over your little crush.” Seokjin pats him on the head and leaves him to be an awkward mess on his own.

After some deliberation, Jungkook replies with, _Hi, sunbae, this is Jungkook!!_ and immediately hates himself.

It takes a blessedly short five minutes for him to get a response. _Seokjin said you might be interested in working on a collaboration. Unofficially, I mean._

Jungkook feels like someone’s stabbed him repeatedly in the heart with a dull knife. But in a good way. _Sure, of course! That would be cool!_ He somehow thinks to add, _Did you have something in mind?_

 _Actually, I’ve been working on some compositions recently, and there’s one song that Chanyeol and I are looking to record soon, but we need a vocalist._ After a pause, Kyungsoo follows up with, _The guys in my group don’t really have the right sound. Seokjin recommended you, and I agreed that you’d be a good fit. Interested?_

 _Fuck yes_ , Jungkook tells him at once, without stopping to think first or make any attempt not to seem over-eager.

Kyungsoo’s _Haha ^^_ makes Jungkook want to throw up and jump off a bridge.

In a good way.

They figure out a time to meet that works out for both their schedules—and Chanyeol’s, since he’s producing it—and Jungkook is proud to say he’s only _mildly_ hysterical about all of this. Just a little bit.

But maybe Seokjin is right. Maybe this will give him a chance to see Kyungsoo as a person with flaws and stop putting him on a pedestal like he has been. Then he won’t have weird, embarrassing daydreams about seaside cottages and strawberry cake and Jason Mraz. He can become thoroughly disillusioned and go back to only being awkward around pretty girls. It’ll be fine. Everything will work out.

 

\--

 

Because Jungkook is an idiot, he didn’t take into account the possibility that he could end up liking Kyungsoo _even more_. And naturally, that’s the exact thing that ends up happening.

“Most of these lyrics are in English,” he says, looking at the sheet music with a faint feeling of panic.

“I should’ve mentioned that earlier, sorry.” Kyungsoo cringes. “Is that a problem? I could probably change—”

“No, I mean, I can try,” Jungkook says quickly. “My pronunciation just. Isn’t great. Which is more of a problem for you than me, I think?” Sudden dread claws at his gut. “It’s cool if you want someone else to do it, so you don’t have to sit through me butchering the words.” He laughs, aiming for a slightly self-deprecating sound but probably just sounding like he wants to cry.

“We’ll figure something out,” says Kyungsoo, not looking at all perturbed. He’s wearing a bright, glowing smile that’s simultaneously the best and worst thing Jungkook has ever seen. “I can coach you through some of it if it comes to that. But my English isn’t perfect, either.”

Chanyeol mutters _Cinderella_ under his breath, and Kyungsoo just laughs. Jungkook has no idea what to make of the exchange.

Once they get down to business, Jungkook’s sense of professionalism kicks in. It’s easy enough to work with Kyungsoo, he finds, when the guy gets into Serious Musician Mode. It reminds Jungkook a little of Hoseok: the thoughtful eyes and patient instructions, how readily he accepts suggestions, his enthusiasm for good ideas. If anything, it’s easier to speak his mind about the content of the music with Kyungsoo than it is with Hoseok or Namjoon, because Kyungsoo’s just some (extraordinarily attractive and talented and perfect) guy, not his _family_. It’s different. There’s some freedom in that realization, he thinks.

Then there’s Chanyeol, whose flailing limbs and face-splitting grins and “ _holy shit!_ ”s make it impossible to feel awkward, secondhand embarrassment notwithstanding. Jungkook calls him _Chanyeol-sunbae_ exactly one time before Chanyeol scoffs and says, “Nah, fuck that, you can call me hyung.”

That he swears as a form of punctuation shouldn’t be surprising. It explains how he and Yoongi are friends, actually. Jungkook just didn’t expect it from someone in EXO, somehow, with how _pure_ and _wholesome_ their image is. He bought the lie. Maybe if Kyungsoo turns out to be just as crude—just as _boyish_ —the image Jungkook has of him in his head will be broken and he won’t like him as much. Maybe he only likes the Kyungsoo who seems flawless and composed, proper, kind of dorky. Maybe he only likes the parts of Kyungsoo that fit his image of what a nice, perfect, pure girl would be like.

“You’re right, it does sound better with the key change there,” says Kyungsoo, chewing on the end of his pen.

“I know,” Chanyeol says with a lazy grin. “You don’t have to waste your breath telling me I’m right, Kyungsoo. It’s just a fact of life. I wouldn’t waste my time suggesting things that aren’t one-hundred-percent the best choice.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Careful, Chanyeol. Keep sucking your own dick like that and you’ll break your neck.”

Chanyeol lets out one of his deep, booming laughs, clapping Kyungsoo on the back. Jungkook’s heart does a weird spasm-y thing in his chest.

Fuck.

 

\--

 

When Jungkook finally gets the courage to ask why _him_ , why not one of the other EXO members, or someone from SHINee or NCT or one of their other labelmates, Kyungsoo chuckles and says, “Well, part of it’s your voice. You have that kind of breathy sound that I think fits the style of the song well. If you’d said no, we probably would’ve asked Taehyung as our second choice.”

“But it’s not just that,” says Chanyeol. “We’re also doing it to piss off our company, and recording a song with someone from Bangtan is guaranteed to do that.”

Jungkook stops and thinks for a moment, hesitates, then decides to just go ahead and say it: “If we _really_ wanted to piss them off, we would have both of our groups collaborate on a mini album or something.” Both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are staring at him. Flustered, he adds, “They’d never let us release it officially, but uh. We could put it up on SoundCloud or something?”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Kyungsoo says, looking at Chanyeol. “Didn’t you say you and Yoongi were sending samples to each other?”

“Yeah, but—” Chanyeol scratches his head. “How would this even work? Like, I’m totally on board, but we’d have to work out logistics and shit so the old man doesn’t find out and have us killed.”

Kyungsoo makes a thoughtful noise, then looks at Jungkook, who’s only kind of freaking out on the inside. “Pitch the idea to your group first. Then we can go from there. I’ll talk to Junmyeon-hyung and see what he says.”

“I could talk to him when I get back to the dorm, Kyungsoo,” says Chanyeol.

“He’s less likely to take it seriously if it’s you, though. You have a lot of dumb ideas.”

“That’s not—”

Jungkook quickly texts Namjoon to see what he thinks. _Hyung, how do you feel about secretly working on some songs with EXO?_

His leader’s response comes so quickly it’s a little alarming: _FUCK YEAH_ all in caps, then a ridiculous series of emojis Jungkook _thinks_ are meant to convey enthusiasm, though he can’t be sure about the horse one.

“Namjoon-hyung’s cool with it,” he says, interrupting the bickering.

Chanyeol immediately brightens. “Nice! Knew I liked that guy.”

The smile Kyungsoo shoots Jungkook is kind of heart-melting, his eyes and cheeks going kind of scrunchy and soft. Jungkook tries to smile back, but he feels too shy all of a sudden, looking away to hide his embarrassing flush.

 

\--

 

Taehyung whistles lowly. “Wow, you’re really a mess, Jungkookie,” he says in the tone of someone commenting on the weather.

“No I’m—”

“Yeah you are,” says a grinning Jimin. Without looking up from his laptop, he pitches his voice higher and says, “ _Kyungsoo-hyung recommended this movie. I heard this is Kyungsoo-hyung’s favorite food. Did I tell you what Kyungsoo-hyung said yesterday?_ ”

“ _Ooh, Kyungsoo-hyung_ ,” Hoseok whines at a pitch so high it’s grating, “ _Kyungsoo-hyung, let me stare into your beautiful dinner plate eyes. Hold me in your tiny baby arms, Kyungsoo-hyung._ ”

To Jungkook’s dismay, Taehyung joins in with a terrifyingly deep voice: “ _Let me serenade you with my manly, dulcet tones, Jungkookie, while we make sweet love by the ocean_.”

“ _Oh, Kyungsoo-hyung!_ ” Hoseok cries out, leaping to his feet and flinging himself dramatically at the foot of Taehyung’s bed. “ _Take me now!_ ”

“I hate all of you,” says Jungkook. “So much. Holy shit.”

Jimin chokes out a laugh. “That’s what you get for always coming into our room.”

“Fine, I’ll just hang out with Namjoon-hyung,” Jungkook says, standing abruptly. “Or… go to sleep early. Or something.” He pauses. “Whatever, fuck you guys, I don’t sound like that.”

“Yes you do!” they all shout as he leaves.

When Jungkook opens the door to his and Namjoon’s shared room, he’s immediately greeted with, “Hey, listen, so I was talking with a couple of the guys from EXO and we’re thinking about doing maybe four, five tracks. Gotta see how many of the members we can drag into it, then figure out who’s working with who. How’s the ambient indie R&B thing going?”

“It’s good,” says Jungkook. He flops onto his bed. “I think the next recording will probably be the final version. We’ve made a lot of changes.”

“Cool.” Namjoon coughs. “So uh. You finally gonna make a move, or…?”

“I’m going to sleep. Feel free to smother me with my pillow so I die and never have to live through another moment of this.”

Namjoon laughs. “You’re our maknae, Jungkook,” he says. “It’s our job to give you shit. What kind of brothers would we be if we didn’t?”

Jungkook gives him a withering look, then rolls over to sleep so he doesn’t have to deal with any more bullshit.

 

\--

 

The song is called “Fragile” and Jungkook is intensely, _unfathomably_ proud of it. Something made with just him and a couple of guys, no major producers, no kind of company oversight. No help or input from his bandmates, either.

“So this is gonna set the tone for the rest of the album. Which is definitely happening, by the way,” says Chanyeol. He taps his fingers to the rhythm of the song as it plays through his speakers. “RapMon’s got this trip-hop track he wants my help on. We’re thinking of having Jimin do the vocals, maybe.”

“Why do you call him RapMon?” Jungkook asks. It’s just the two of them in the studio now, since Kyungsoo is off doing something for whatever his latest acting project is. “Why not use his name?”

“Because Rap Monster is a hilarious name and I’m getting as much mileage out of it as I can,” says Chanyeol. “Like, G-Dragon-sunbae levels of ridiculous. Why would I ever call him by his real name when I can say that instead?”

“That’s… fair.” Jungkook spins back and forth in small arcs in his chair. He tries to fight back a smile. “You know, I almost had a stage name.”

Chanyeol perks up with interest. “Yeah? What was it?”

“Well, I’m from Busan, right—”

“No kidding.”

Jungkook sighs. “Anyway, they thought the obvious choice was…” He pauses. “Seagull.”

Chanyeol stares at him wordlessly for a long moment before saying, “That’s the only thing I’m ever calling you from now on. No more Jungkook. Just Seagull. That’s so beautiful, thank you.”

Jungkook huffs, and Chanyeol just laughs that too-loud laugh of his for a while.

Once Chanyeol recovers, he starts the track over again. “Hey, you guys did a really great job, y’know. This song turned out fucking awesome.”

Jungkook smiles and shakes his head. “Kyungsoo-hyung should get most of the credit. I just sang.”

“Bullshit. What about those ad-libs in the last chorus, huh? What about the octave change in the second verse? And basically everything in the bridge? You’re a beast, dude.” He holds one of his monstrous hands out for a high-five, and Jungkook practically falls out of his seat trying to stretch over to reach him. “Plus, like two-thirds of the song is in English, ‘cause Kyungsoo’s a huge nerd, but you killed it anyway. Give yourself more credit.”

“Yeah, I guess—” Jungkook leans back in his chair, frowning up at the ceiling. “I guess I’m not used to having a lot of input on the stuff I sing. I mean, it’s not like I _can’t_ make suggestions or anything. But I just always figure they know what they’re doing, so I don’t question them or the producers much.”

“But Kyungsoo and I definitely _don’t_ know what we’re doing, so that must’ve been easier for you to deal with,” Chanyeol says teasingly.

Jungkook laughs. “Yeah, obviously.”

“So anyway, there was something I… wanted to talk to you about,” Chanyeol says slowly, hesitantly, and Jungkook gets this sudden sinking feeling because _oh fuck_ , of course this would come up.

 

\--

 

From Jungkook’s perspective, the conversation went something like this:

 

Chanyeol: Your crush is cute, don’t get me wrong, but you should probably get over it.

Jungkook: Well, yeah, but why specifically?

Chanyeol: Oh god, you didn’t know? Kyungsoo has a boyfriend, dude.

Jungkook: Oh.

Jungkook: What.

Chanyeol: He and Jongdae have been dating for, like, almost a year now.

Jungkook: Oh.

Jungkook: No one ever said anything.

Chanyeol: Probably didn’t want you to feel bad.

Chanyeol: Listen, it’s not a big deal. No one’s mad at you or anything. Jongdae even knows you like Kyungsoo, and he doesn’t give a shit.

Jungkook: Oh my god.

Chanyeol: I just thought you should know it’s not gonna go anywhere and shit.

Jungkook: Okay. Uh. Cool.

Chanyeol: Where are you—

Jungkook: I have to go die of embarrassment, bye.

 

\--

 

The next time he sees Kyungsoo, Kim Jongdae is also there.

Jungkook sees the two of them holding hands, leaning into each other, smiling like they have a secret. Jongdae’s lips curl in an impossible way. He has a kind face, one that makes Jungkook trust him immediately. (He should trust him anyway, because Kyungsoo does, and so does Chanyeol, and—and because he has no reason not to, does he?)

And when Jongdae greets him enthusiastically, bowing and everything, all smiles and a kind of friendly enthusiasm that can’t really be faked, Jungkook is just left to dazedly bow back and try not to let his confusion and awkwardness get the better of him.

“I was actually really excited to hear they got you to do vocals on the track,” says Jongdae.

Jungkook’s eyes widen. “You were?”

“Yeah! I mean, don’t tell the rest of your band, but I’ve always thought you were their best vocalist.” Jongdae grins, and of _course_ Kyungsoo’s boyfriend would have a smile as adorable as his own. “You did really well on _King of Masked Singer_ , too.”

“He’s actually a really big fan of you guys,” says Kyungsoo, looking faintly embarrassed, but in a fond way. “I caught him crying once while listening to ‘Butterfly.’ And I think he bought all four versions of _Wings_ when it came out.”

“That was Baekhyun,” says Jongdae. “I only bought one, and I traded my V photocard for his Jimin.” He looks back at Jungkook. “He had one of yours, too, but he wasn’t willing to give it up, so I settled.”

Jungkook’s laugh is shy but genuine. He’s just so charmed that even if he _did_ want to resent Jongdae—which he doesn’t, can’t—he wouldn’t be able to.

And maybe, all mortification aside, this was the best thing that could’ve happened. Because Jungkook looks at Kyungsoo now and there’s no heart-fluttery feeling, no bakery-and-cottage-by-the-sea feeling, no desire to pinch his scrunchy, smiling cheeks. The change feels so immediate, like a switch has been flipped in Jungkook’s head. Perfect boy has his perfect boyfriend. Everything kind of just makes sense now.

“Scale of one to ten, how bummed are you, kid?” Yoongi asks later, with Jungkook curled against his side in the practice room, trying his best to get comfortable so he can take a nice nap. Yoongi smells like fruit for some reason, and it’s a little weird, but not bad.

Jungkook shrugs. “I don’t really care,” he says. “He’s just a guy, you know? And Jongdae-hyung’s nice. They’re good together, probably.”

“Aw.” Yoongi ruffles Jungkook’s hair. “Maknae’s growing up. Look at you.”

In response, Jungkook rolls over onto Yoongi, squishing him into the floor. His own fault for accusing Jungkook of growing up.


End file.
